Train Tracks

I know the plans I have for you,

declares the LORD. They are plans for

peace and not disaster, plans to give you a

future filled with hope. -- Jeremiah 29:11

This verse has been my favorite for about six years now and these words are more true for me now than they ever have been. Graduation is fast approaching -- I bought my class ring yesterday and my cap and gown package and announcements today -- and I am still flying as blind as ever.

I feel like my life is a train and graduation is where the track splits. I can go one way, or I can go the other. The problem is, not only do I not know which route to take, but I also don't know which route represents what.

Should I continue to search for a full-time job in my field?

Should I go ahead and apply to grad school?

Should I work toward a teaching certificate?

What should I do? I'm so lost when it comes to my life. Obviously, all signs point to finding a job, even if it's at McDonald's. I only have a limited amount of time left at my current job since I'll no longer be a student, I can't walk right into grad school and I can't work toward a teaching certificate full time. I have to have something to supplement myself while I'm doing these things.

Sadly, I had my heart set on something already. I had a wonderful interview; I aced it. I had things in common with the interviewers, survived a witty conversation with the CEO, was knowledgeable about the product and the employer and went in to the interview with previous experience. By all standards, I was a perfect fit.

Upon leaving, I was told that I would be contacted in about a week and half, because they wanted someone to start very soon. This will have been three weeks ago this coming Friday. I didn't get a call at all last week, so per the advice of the Career Center advisor, I e-mailed them on Thursday. Immediately, I got back an out-of-office reply. *Sigh,* maybe she's just been out all week and hasn't had the chance to call? What a relief.

However, then my disappointment turned back into nerves and I spent the weekend on edge once again. Today rolled around and I just knew that it would happen today. It never did.

"Well, if she was out all week last week, she probably has some catching up to do and potential employers aren't the first thing on her mind," Amanda said. Yes, that's true. Maybe tomorrow.

I know that I'm only thinking about what I want and I need to stop that. Maybe this just isn't in God's plan for me. I've been praying and praying for it, but maybe it's just not meant to be. I'm so lost.